How to Survive and Thrive as a Single Mother this Mother’s Day

TweetExperiencing my first I remember my first Mother’s Day, it was in 2009 and I was a Single Mother and although my family tried to make it special for me, I still felt left out. I had dreamt about my first Mothers Day and being woken up with breakfast in bed, a little hand written

Continue reading How to Survive and Thrive as a Single Mother this Mother’s Day

Help, my kid refuses to sleep!

Being a Parent comes with its ups and downs, there will be good times and there will be times you regret – any Parent that says no is lying and yet I will still never change it for the world. It’s challenging at the best of times and its fine to agree that kids sometimes suck but I love my little family, the only thing I still need is a damn decent good night’s sleep.

When Parenting SUCKS!

“Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.”

I LOVE being a Mom, before I had thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I knew I wanted to be a Mommy. I love my kids with my whole heart all the time, however that doesn’t mean that at times I don’t feel overwhelmed by Parenting.

Right now, Parenting SUCKS and there’s nothing much I can do about it. Certain things are completely out of my control however they affect my little ones and that sucks.

Highlight / Lowlight / Summary of why Parenting sucks right now

  1. Joshuah’s sleeping

Little Joshuah, as sweet as he can be (which is not all the time) he is a terrible sleeper. From day one Josh would do short power naps throughout the day, and that was it. There was NO 2-3 hour stretches, his sleeping lasted 20 – 45min at a time and that was all he needed. This was draining and frustrating but soon we adapted and 2 years later not much has changed. So WE are sleep deprived and that sucks. On average (on a good night) Josh will wake up between 2 – 3 times, either to moan, or want his dummy which he is too lazy to get himself or will want to come to our bed. On a bad night he will wake up every 45 – 60 min and then its full on tantrum and he’s restless, and wants no one to touch him and screams and and and then he passes out. For no reason. THIS IS DRAINING. And the problem is when he wakes up (not by choice but by being woken) he is miserable, and it’s completely understandable because he is tired! I’m not too sure if you know what it’s like to deal with a miserable toddler / kid first thing in the morning. This however falls on solely on Carl as I leave earlier than them, some mornings its good and they happily chat and laugh but other mornings it’s a crying tantrum filled start to the day. Bless Carl’s heart, he deals with it so well.

Parenting sucks when you’re so exhausted and sleep deprived that you flip at the smallest things your kids do and then shout and swear and hours later feel like a dog because of the way you reacted. Depriving a person of sleep is a profound assault on the entire biological system at the foundation of that person’s mind and body.

  1. Joshuah’s schooling

Joshuah is attending the crèche which Danny attended. Logistically where they were situated was on our morning route and they staff were awesome and the school great, however they were leasing the premises and the owner had decided to sell the plot to a developer. This meant the school would be moving (this was in 2013). As far I know there was no meeting with Parents and the only communication I had received was a letter in the boys bags to say that they will be moving within the next month to new premises.

There was nothing I could but move with the school, which was / is COMPLETELY out of our way as Carl drops the boys in the morning and works in the Southern Subs. So he sits in traffic (±20 min) to get to Durbanville then sits in the peak hour traffic to make his way to N1 / R300.

School

Last week we received another letter, 2 million guesses what’s happening AGAIN. Yip, the school is moving in December. Actually correction, they are combining, our school with one of their other branches. I’m so over it! Can you imagine, 2 schools who are operating at full capacity now having ALL those kids under 1 roof. Ugh! So from January this is what’s up. Now… we sit with the decision. Do we move him to a new school or keep him in this deurmekaar situation. Side note, I’m not a fan of the other branch but each to his own I guess.

Parenting sucks when you are forced into a situation like this again.

  1. Daniyal’s schooling

During Feb / March this year we applied at the 2 Primary schools within our area for Danny for Grade 1. A mere 2 and 3km away. However they advised me that we don’t fall into the direct feeder area (a big WTF) but we don’t fall out of their feeder area (double WTF), we fall into a grey area.

EPS

GLPS

Moral of the LONG story, we applied when applications like the rest of the world in the North and HE WASN’T ACCEPTED AT EITHER SCHOOL. For the record, there are NO other schools in our area. None. Unless you go into Bellville which is over the N1 and not in our area. According to those schools, we also don’t fall into their feeder area, and we’re 10 – 12km away from the closest Bellville school which by now are all jam packed full.

Following a discussion with a few parentals who will be attending these schools I found out that certain kids who reside in completely external areas out of the feeder zones etc. were accepted to the schools. The Mommy in me contacted the WCED and spoke to the Superintendent who deals with these schools (not about the other kids but because my kid doesn’t have anywhere to go next year) and I can assure you I will get NOWHERE with him. I completed the forms, in order for him to open an enquiry into the schools and when I called a week later he had still not made contact with either schools. He basically told me to wait till 16 November and contact the schools again, if I had no joy I should then make an appointment to see the Principals and we take it from there and if that didn’t work then he would contact the Principals. Hello, its already NOVEMBER. This is ridiculous.

The only other option we have is to put Danny in a Private school, which is what we have done but still waiting for feedback from them whether he was accepted. So please hold thumbs for us.

Parenting sucks when you have to deal with WCED and have no support and no one fighting for your child!

  1. Daniyal’s behaviour

Right now Danny has entered a challenging phase in his development, behaviour wise. It’s not that he’s acting out, it’s just that he doesn’t give a sh*t (sorry but I’m calling a spade a spade and not a tool with a sharp-edged, typically rectangular, metal blade and a long handle, used for digging or cutting earth, sand, turf) what anyone says lately. He’s irritable, he’s moody and not his normal happy behaving self. Strange!

Parenting sucks when you child looks straight at you and says, “NO” when you ask / tell / command / beg him to do something i.e. make your bed, pack away your toys, acknowledge your brother who’s been trying to get your attention for 5min and has now gone into full on tantrum mode because you won’t play / talk / look at him.

parenting-i-quit-i don't like you

parenting-i-quit-toys

parenting-i-quit

  1. Daniyal’s behaviour at school

In the last 3 weeks I’ve received 2 calls from his teacher regarding his behaviour, personally I also think she could handle situations better and needs to realize when you have an overcrowded class, with many energetic boys they WILL play rough, they WILL be loud, they WILL all seek attention. It’s part of their development, in saying this however Danny has changed. And after the call yesterday I said to her, in the nicest possible way I could SHE needs to investigate what is happening in her class. On more than one occasion Danny has come home saying that boys in the class and aftercare are bullying him, teasing him and fighting with him and this is something I have addressed with her and the aftercare teachers previously. Following this call, she had a class talk about bullying. I mean really, she wanted to blame my Danny for being a fighter (ANYONE who knows Danny knows that this is rubbish) and like I pointed out to her, has this ever been an issue? No. Something must have triggered this. According to Danny, after many conversations, he said he’s not fighting but protecting himself, however I’m the parent who is called. Bull dust!

Then the nerve, a Parent actually approached my little 6 year old at the school to ask him about bullying, this made me FLIP and I explained to her that if I EVER hear that this has happened again I WILL PERSONALLY CONFRONT that Parent and I can ASSURE her that it will definitely not end well. Do not mess with my child. Ever. How dare an adult intimidate my 6 year old and then they only report it to me a day later. When I asked Danny he said that he didn’t say anything because he didn’t want me to get angry. All because the boys were doing a Chinese bangle (hold wrist firmly and with our 2 hands & kind of twist) and this little *insert rude word here* ran to his Mom and said Danny hurt him. I would never approach another kid without speaking to the teacher first and asking my kid to explain to me what happened. That’s just not on. So lady, if you ever stumble across this know that without a doubt in my mind I WILL CUT YOU, and you have no idea how intimidating I can be. Vent over.

Parenting sucks when you have a feeling that there’s a little *insert rude word here* boy (s) at his school that are bullying your kid and others but have no proof and you’ve discussed with the teacher and nothing happens except your kid gets blamed (yes Danny is sorry for punching your giant in the nuts last week but he was defending himself, yes Danny did choke your child yesterday but this is because your kid and his 2 friends held his arm and legs while another smacked him on his head but the teacher happened to not see this as always). We don’t condone fighting but we do encourage Danny to defend himself if he is being hurt or feels scared. So I will not punish my kid for doing exactly what we have told him to do.  

So right now, Parenting SUCKS! And Parenting has kicked me hard in the hypothetical balls, and left me frustrated, overwhelmed and helpless. But this is just a phase and I know it will pass, after all, everything happens for a reason.

We will be moving…

Watch this space

Good Morning Lovelies,

As most of my readers are aware I recently ventured into the Small Business world. In saying this I have definitely neglected my blog for a while, due to no time, no energy and no inspiration.

This being said I have decided to merge my babies, What Happened to my Body and Love Made Me.

So watch this space, soon I will be launching my website and if you’re still keen on reading what I have to say then you can follow me there.

Till later

LT

Supporting Momtrepreneurs : Meet Radhia from Treatmesweetlie

Relationships don’t always start with face to face interactions, sometimes the social media forces bring people together.

That in a very short summary is how I met Radhia, and how our relationship has grown. Now she’s one of my first go-to girls when I need advice or guidance.

So if you haven’t checked out her blog, Treatmesweetlie then shame on you. I’m biased, but she’s awesome!

Treatmesweetlie Family

  • So tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, your background?

Hmm, I must admit, I am not fan of this question. Only because I never know what to say and because I end up replying with the normal responses….I am 29 years old, live in Cape Town, married to an amazing man, mother to a beautiful little girl, chartered accountant by profession and work for a giant South African retailer.

  • Do you have any kids? Be biased and tell us how awesome they are.

I am a mother to an absolutely gorgeous little princess! She is my world and provides me with all the inspiration I need.

Treatmesweetlie
Mom’s best customer and biggest inspiration

Baby A

  • How, when and why did you start your small business?

I started my business while I was maternity leave. Zieyaad’s (my husband) twin siblings both got married during this time, and of course my little girl needed to look exquisite. I managed to find the prettiest of outfits, but I could not find any pretty pacifier clips that were sold locally. All of the pacifier clips that I wanted needed to be imported, and there was just no time for that. I therefore decided to make them myself, and voila, Treatmesweetlie began!

Brown and Grey

Grey

  • Starting a business has its rewards. What has been one of the highlights of venturing out on your own.

One of my biggest highlights since starting Treatmesweetlie has to be my first sale. It was a sale of a pacifier to clip to someone I did not know, who found me on Instagram and ordered via email. This first order has given me the courage to continue. I thank that person for my first sale, as I benefited so much more from that sale than just the income earned from it!

  • When doing new designs, what do you look for. Comfortability, affordability, latest trends? Where does the inspiration stem from?

The Treatmesweetlie Handmade Pacifier Clips are fairly new to the market in South Africa. I have a few plans regarding new designs and expanding my product, however I am not ready to launch them yet.

Treatmesweetlie Treatmesweetlie

  • Can one only order via the catalogue you have available on Facebook or do you do custom orders too?

The pacifier clips comes in a variety of different colours. Colours (or colour combinations) not available can be made to order.

  • What are some of the challenges you have experienced with starting a small business (be it time, suppliers, huge orders etc.)?

The biggest challenge I have experienced is time! All pacifier clips are handmade and packaged by myself. As you can imagine, having a full time job, being a mother and wife, and trying to run a small business on the side is really time consuming. It has taken much dedication from myself and my family, in starting Treatmesweetlie and continuing with it.

  • Any upcoming markets or events we can come and support you at?

Treatmesweetlie will be exhibiting at the Mama Magic Expo in Cape Town! The Expo will be held at the CTICC on Friday 30th October to Sunday 1st November. All pacifier clips will be available for sale at the exhibition. This a huge commitment and I am really looking forward to it. And I am really looking forward to meeting all of you!

  • Where can one find your awesome products?

The Treatmesweetlie Handmade Braided Pacifier Clips are currently available to purchase via email (treatmesweetlie@gmail.com)…

BUT

watch this space, I have a few tricks up my sleeve!

  • Care to share a piece of advice with other aspiring small business owners

Commitment and patience. You have to be committed to your business and you have to be patient while watching it grow. These are two of some of the most important things I have to constantly remind myself of.

Thank you Radhia!

Hop on over to Treatmesweetlie Facebook page or over to her Treatmesweetlie blog and show Radhia some love, then go and place your orders. If you’re CPT based, why not pop in at the Mama Magic Expo and show your support.

Dealing with pregnancy loss

They say having a baby is one of the most enjoyable and amazing experiences of ones life, an event that brings a couple together.

But thats not always true.

Having Danny was both amazing and hard.

Having Josh was unbelievably amazing.
But there was a time in between. One of the most challenging and hardest times of our marriage.

Falling pregnant came with its own challenges. We battled.

There were countless tests, Doctors visits, monitoring cycles, many negative pregnancy tests, needles, medications and eventually we received our first positive.

I’ll never forget sitting in the bathroom of our tiny flat with Carl by my side waiting to see 2 pink lines and when they appeared Carl had the biggest smile on his face. It was lots of laughing, smiling, hugs and kisses.

This explained the sudden fatigue and lack of appetite I had for a few weeks.

We were finally there!

I called my Docs rooms and scheduled an appointment for that week.

First scan confirmed I was just over 6 weeks along and there on the monitor was a tiny little sac with a bean.

A few weeks later I started to feel strange, since this was not my first pregnancy and I know my body well I could feel something was different. Insteaded of my preggy symptoms increasing they started fading slightly and I knew it was too soon for this.

That Sunday, we joined Carl at Koeberg Nature reserve for his weekly cycle with his Dad and brothers. I was 10 weeks along and counting down the days till I was in the “safe zone”. Later that afternoon I started spotting.

To me this wasn’t too much of a concern as I had it with my first pregnancy too. But it definitely raised a flag.

By the following Wednesday it was still there and I called my Doc and scheduled an appointment. She could see me the very next day.

Unfortunately for me Carl couldn’t join me due to work commitments and I didn’t think anything would be wrong. I was wrong.

My Doctor confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat, and just like that. It was over.

The next few minutes with her are still a blur. I don’t remember anything she said apart from “I’m so sorry Lindsay”. Somewhere between Week 10 and 12 our Angel baby returned to heaven.

She booked me for an evacuation procedure the following Monday.

I walked out, gutted, heartbroken and in shock. I called Carl and cried, I ugly cried. Then I called my Mom and cried some more.

As I laid in theatre that Monday at Vincent Palotti the Anaesthetist held my hand as I cried. He told me he knew what I was feeling and that it would be ok. I may not feel it but I’d be fine. I could feel myself drifting away and crying. And when I woke up, it was over and Carl was sitting with me. I burst into tears again. I never knew I could cry that much. Then I demanded to leave. I needed to get out, to get away from the Hospital, the staff, the crying babies in the passages.

In the 3 months that followed Carl and I fought daily. We woke up angry, went to bed angry, shouted at each other, ignored each other, I became ugly towards him and then we decided to just STOP. Stop the fighting, the shouting, the swearing, the rudeness and put having a baby on hold.

We needed to forgive each other, to grieve together and focus on us or our marriage would not survive.

I stopped all the meds, I stopped checking temperatures, weight and cycles. I cancelled my follow up appointment and shredded my Pathcare forms.

This is what my marriage needed. We needed to be healthy and happy again, free from the added stresses in our lives and when the time was right, we’d venture down the fertility path again one day…

We got iur relationship back on track, we were happy and communicating better than ever before. But the baby thing… well…

Well God had other plans… and a few weeks later we were pregnant with Joshuah. Completely unplanned, and medication free.

But we survived, and we were in the right space in our marriage.

GOD’S timing is ALWAYS perfect!

Its hard when life doesn’t work out the way you envision or expect, but its how you handle the storm that makes the good times so much more memorable.

So just hang in there!

Series : Supporting Momtrepreneurs – Meet Sam from Smallschoollove

Good Morning Lovelies

I ABSOLUTELY love doing these posts!

Do you know what grows businesses? Word of mouth and supporting our local companies!

This morning I’m so excited to share my latest find. I love all things Pinterest and love searching through Facebook for awesome baby and kids related products, so when I stumbled onto Sam’s Facebook page I fell inlove!

I have always loved wooden toys and accessories for my kids, I just feel they last so much longer and they’re just so different. Each one is unique, no 2 pieces of wood will ever be the same.

I recently asked Sam if I could do a feature on her and she jumped at the opportunity, I love that inbetween the busyness of running her own business and raising her family she still had the energy for me and my questions.

So here goes….

So tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, your background?
I’m a mom to 3 gorgeous kids and I’m a teacher running a small playschool from home. I have a background in graphic design.

So now that we know you have kids tell us a bit about them
Yes – 3 amazing kids! Our eldest is 17 – a beautiful young lady with only 1 year of high school left – I seriously can’t believe this!! Our middle is a boy of 13 – gentle kind funny and very sporty. Our baby is 2 going on 15 – incredible little guy who keeps us all busy and involved in each others lives… Talk about blessed – its a great privilege to be involved in their lives.

How, when and why did you start your small business?
As a mum and teacher I’m always on the look out for natural wholesome toys for the children. I’m drawn to wooden toys and love the natural textures…I also feel they stimulate the senses and are durable which is important in a school environment. While there are a lot of beautiful wooden toys out there most of them are painted and imported. I stumbled on a tutorial one day while I was searching for wooden toys and it was a lady making her own and I thought yes – I can do that!

R400 9 piece
R400
9 piece
R400 15 piece
R400
15 piece

Starting a business has its rewards. What has been one of the highlights of venturing out on your own.
The actual process of making the toys has been a major highlight – sourcing the sustainable local wood, making patterns and packaging up a final crafted piece is so fulfilling…I love that my kids can be a part of the experience and play around experimenting with their own creative journeys…

When doing new designs, what do you look for. Comfortability, affordability, latest trends? Where does the inspiration stem from?
I get a lot of my ideas on line. I also try to think about what children would like to play from their perspective and then experiment on my own kids! I often start off with an idea and it turns into something completely different that I hadn’t even considered…

R160 4 Piece Approx. 15cm X 39cm
Table Mountain Stack R160
4 Piece
Approx. 15cm X 39cm
R160 8 piece
R160
8 piece

Can one only order via the catalogue you have available on Facebook or do you do custom orders too?
You can order via facebook catalogue and I do make custom orders!

What are some of the challenges you have experienced with starting a small business (be it time, suppliers, huge orders etc.)?
I definitely underestimated the amount of time and work that goes into each piece and finishing it off. So time is definitely a challenge for me and I do get carried away on each piece making sure they are perfect to send out!

Any upcoming markets or events we can come and support you at?
At the moment I’m just making orders that I get through facebook and I will be doing one twilight gift market at St Stephens church in Claremont on the 4th of December.

Where can one find your awesome products?
For the time being on line as I make to order! 

R400 13 piece
R400
13 piece

Packaging Packaging bag Bunny Family

Care to share a piece of advice with other aspiring small business owners
I suppose the best advise is to just give your ideas a go – I never thought I could make my own toys but with the support and help of my amazing husband and family I was brave enough to try and the outcome far exceeded any expectations I had. You should also love your product or the hard work involved will put you off!!

So now that I’ve blown your mind with Sam’s amazing goodies, hop on over to her Facebook page or email her at smallschoollove@gmail.com and place your Christmas orders!

Bird Teether R00
Bird Teether
R100

Teether Packaging

Elly Teether R100
Elly Teether
R100

Some FAQ about the products

Do you use paints, varnish, or stains on toys?
No! All we ever use is non toxic beeswax and organic flax seed oil. Did you know wood is anti-bacterial & non-allergenic?! If you want RAW local woods just let us know. We use local sustainable farmed gum and pine.

How does postage work?
We are currently posting at about 1 week lead time. Once I have your location and order I can supply you with an exact postage price. All prices on the site exclude postage. We deliver your items in natural-style packaging.

Do you do local delivery or pick up?
Yes! Please email me for details.

How can I pay for these natural toys?
We accept eft’s.

Do you make custom orders?
With pleasure. Just ask us. We can make you something really special according to your specifications. (Two week turnaround on custom pieces.)

Will you make a personal love note for the little one I am sending this gift to?
Yes! Just ask. We love to personalize your gift and make it extra special.

Whats the best way to care for my special toy?
Each toy comes with a little care guide! It will give you information on how to keep that toy ready to play with for many generations.

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