For the last 6 months I can honestly say I have taken a blogging back seat, not because anything had happened but I chose to live in the now and shift my focus to my family and not stress about building my blog, stats, views, content and all that shiz. Now whether or not you agree or look down on my decision I couldn’t really care, I needed to do what was right for my people.
Now the only reason I’m really here now is not to talk crap about something that means nothing to me, but rather speak about my kid.
In the last month I have had 3 situations which have made me a little pissed off as a parent and all regarding my youngest son, Josh. We have raised our boys to be as independent as possible (which they’re not really), speak freely about their emotions and things bothering them and have open conversations with us – as most Parents would do. We teach them to love and respect others, to listen to others and their feelings and share – which I would also imagine that most Parents would do.
So what happens when the kids are all behaving but the Parents aren’t? Here’s what happened;
- Joshuah has long beautiful natural ombre locks which I’m sure most people would die for, they have a mind of their own and at times he looks angelic and other times he looks like a jungle child (no offence jungle kids). He loves them, we love them. But as you can imagine he comes home with sand in his hair most day (almost daily actually) and sweat dripping down his face, he is eventually uncomfortable and miserable. We in turn have started tying his hair up which works perfectly. So what the heck gives another Parent the right to say to her son about mine he’s now a little girl. Rational level headed Parent would have corrected her uneducated narrow minded view, I was definitely not that Parent and wanted to spear her (imagine a finishing move on WWF). Instead I took a deep breath and let it go; thankfully his teacher chimed in saying all the athletes and soccer players now tie their hair up. Bless her soul.
- Like I said before Josh has long hair, so when a Parent (s) comments about long hair being for girls and not boys and my Monkey comes home telling me he wants to cut all his hair off then of course I flip out (for the record Josh is 3 years old).
- Ballet for boys. I don’t know who and how but I fetched him from school as per normal and he said he was sad. After what felt like 10 million probing questions he said he was sad because he can’t do ballet. Ballet. He was told ballet is for little girls and not for little boys, who said this – I don’t know. My problem with this is that simple things like ballet being only for girls, which is utter (insert rude word here) confuses the daylight out of my child. Children should be free to just be themselves and not be forced into what society decides is for girls and what for boys. Guess what guys, my kid actually doesn’t like blue at all and is fascinated with working in the kitchen and cleaning – does that make him a little girl? Or does that mean I’m raising a “soft” boy? Go and blow bubbles out of your bumhole. Now I’m not saying that Josh will remember that he wanted to do ballet in a few days, or if he does decide and does ballet that he will be the next Mikhail Baryshnikov. I’m just saying give my kid the opportunity should he want to, don’t judge or feel you have the right to an opinion on what HE wants.
Kids should be allowed to explore and experience everything irrespective of their gender. I mean my brother can plié and pas de chat the shit out of any ballerina and that because our Parents raised us to experience what we wanted. I shopped in the boys section for a huge chunk of my life, and it definitely did not make be boyish or butch.
So to those of you feeling a tiny bit guilty of doing this here are a few tips to learn and hopefully you’ll become less a-holeish.
- Encourage your kids to play freely with both boys and girls. Parents your boy playing with little girls in a kitchen or with their dolls IS NOT going to damage him. Just let go and let them enjoy without fear of being told to do something else or play with the other boys. And if your little girl chooses to play cricket with the boys instead of learning how to swaddle their dolls just LET HER.
- When shopping for toys mix things up, add in a few gender neutral goodies and let your child’s curiosity guide them in what they choose to explore and experience. I’m not saying buy little Johnny a pink kitchen but buy red and yellow pots and pans if he’s interested in helping Mom or Dad out in the kitchen.
- Children learn behaviour from their Parents, try and remain balanced in your own lives. Dads can cook and clean just like Moms. One day your future daughter in law or son in law will appreciate this.
- I buy clothes for Josh in both the boys and girls sections, why, because sometimes boy’s things are just so fugly. Or better yet only available in blue. Please show me the manual where it says girls are pink and boys are blue. I will chuck it at your head. I have found some funky leggings in red and white in the girls section which Josh rocks like a boss. Embrace colour, step out of the black / blue / green genre of clothes or for flip sake add a blue something to your daughters entirely pink wardrobe. (Side note, I may sound anti pink but when your daughter is 6 months old and you tell me they only wear pink because its her favourite colour I want to punch you – your child no matter how intelligent they are just about knows they’re alive).
- Challenge stereotypes when you hear them, even if you start at home first before you build up the courage to do it in public. Don’t shout or reprimand your kids about it, but rather prompt by asking questions. So little Sarah says Lilly is a boy because she likes to play soccer, simply ask Sarah why girls can’t play soccer and follow her cues from there.
- So little Johnny loves playing with Lizzie’s doll, Moms and Dads, do not stress, instead look at the benefits. Playing with a doll for boys and girls can help kids with their vocabulary, you can teach them about body parts and most importantly you can teach them how to care for others.
Guys just because something may be new or different to you does not give you the right to put a little person down. You may think your innocent words mean nothing but you could also be breaking a little person’s heart.