It takes a village to raise a Mother

TweetI have been a mother for 10 years and one of the most important lessons I have learned is that a support system is so important. Perhaps this is something that you only learn – In time, After lots of crying, Once we’re drowning, After we are utterly exhausted We’ve all heard the simple saying

Continue reading It takes a village to raise a Mother

Dealing with pregnancy loss

They say having a baby is one of the most enjoyable and amazing experiences of ones life, an event that brings a couple together.

But thats not always true.

Having Danny was both amazing and hard.

Having Josh was unbelievably amazing.
But there was a time in between. One of the most challenging and hardest times of our marriage.

Falling pregnant came with its own challenges. We battled.

There were countless tests, Doctors visits, monitoring cycles, many negative pregnancy tests, needles, medications and eventually we received our first positive.

I’ll never forget sitting in the bathroom of our tiny flat with Carl by my side waiting to see 2 pink lines and when they appeared Carl had the biggest smile on his face. It was lots of laughing, smiling, hugs and kisses.

This explained the sudden fatigue and lack of appetite I had for a few weeks.

We were finally there!

I called my Docs rooms and scheduled an appointment for that week.

First scan confirmed I was just over 6 weeks along and there on the monitor was a tiny little sac with a bean.

A few weeks later I started to feel strange, since this was not my first pregnancy and I know my body well I could feel something was different. Insteaded of my preggy symptoms increasing they started fading slightly and I knew it was too soon for this.

That Sunday, we joined Carl at Koeberg Nature reserve for his weekly cycle with his Dad and brothers. I was 10 weeks along and counting down the days till I was in the “safe zone”. Later that afternoon I started spotting.

To me this wasn’t too much of a concern as I had it with my first pregnancy too. But it definitely raised a flag.

By the following Wednesday it was still there and I called my Doc and scheduled an appointment. She could see me the very next day.

Unfortunately for me Carl couldn’t join me due to work commitments and I didn’t think anything would be wrong. I was wrong.

My Doctor confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat, and just like that. It was over.

The next few minutes with her are still a blur. I don’t remember anything she said apart from “I’m so sorry Lindsay”. Somewhere between Week 10 and 12 our Angel baby returned to heaven.

She booked me for an evacuation procedure the following Monday.

I walked out, gutted, heartbroken and in shock. I called Carl and cried, I ugly cried. Then I called my Mom and cried some more.

As I laid in theatre that Monday at Vincent Palotti the Anaesthetist held my hand as I cried. He told me he knew what I was feeling and that it would be ok. I may not feel it but I’d be fine. I could feel myself drifting away and crying. And when I woke up, it was over and Carl was sitting with me. I burst into tears again. I never knew I could cry that much. Then I demanded to leave. I needed to get out, to get away from the Hospital, the staff, the crying babies in the passages.

In the 3 months that followed Carl and I fought daily. We woke up angry, went to bed angry, shouted at each other, ignored each other, I became ugly towards him and then we decided to just STOP. Stop the fighting, the shouting, the swearing, the rudeness and put having a baby on hold.

We needed to forgive each other, to grieve together and focus on us or our marriage would not survive.

I stopped all the meds, I stopped checking temperatures, weight and cycles. I cancelled my follow up appointment and shredded my Pathcare forms.

This is what my marriage needed. We needed to be healthy and happy again, free from the added stresses in our lives and when the time was right, we’d venture down the fertility path again one day…

We got iur relationship back on track, we were happy and communicating better than ever before. But the baby thing… well…

Well God had other plans… and a few weeks later we were pregnant with Joshuah. Completely unplanned, and medication free.

But we survived, and we were in the right space in our marriage.

GOD’S timing is ALWAYS perfect!

Its hard when life doesn’t work out the way you envision or expect, but its how you handle the storm that makes the good times so much more memorable.

So just hang in there!

Relationships are never easy

Have you noticed since becoming an adult, after college, working, after getting married and having your kids that starting a relationship is harder. I’m not meaning a relationship in the sense of a couple, but more along the lines of friendships.

When you’re studying or travelling you’re surrounded by like-minded people and hence the friendships just form. Moving to a company and hereto you form certain relationships, some class them as “work friendships” and others are genuine friendships.

Now move along to getting married, your friends and his friends become “Our friends” and after a while your friendship circle decreases drastically, if this doesn’t refer to you then stop reading.

Now you have the wonderful chance to start over, BUT you soon realize that starting a new friendship is hard! When do you meet new people and how do you meet people.

Well, over the years I’ve been a sucky friend, I admit. There’s certain friendships I should NEVER have let go and others that I’m so much better off without.

My aim (not goal) is to a better friend going forward into the new year. I will love and work towards growing the ones I have, rather be a AWESOME friend to 10 than a sucky friend to 100!

So I’ve made it easy and summed it all up, these are the kinds of friends you need in your life going forward, in my opinion. Please feel free to add to my list.

  1. The Intellectual Mentor

Intellectual friends pose thought-provoking questions about work, life, children, education, love, and how all of those things work together. They motivate you to be more and do more. This friend is someone who’s a few steps ahead of you in life and has enough wisdom and patience to guide you in the right direction. 

  1. The Fun Friend

They never fail to make you smile, they’re always up for a challenge. These friends bring out the carefree kid in you. They want you to relax, have a good time, and forget about the stress in your life.

  1. The Mom Friend

She is the one who probably has your back more than most, she is loving, compassionate, protective and will always be there for you, however she’s going to be the most brutally honest friend you have (in a loving and caring way obviously) but its only because she really cares about you. She is the one you text when you’re having a bad day. She can tell you need a hug without you uttering a word. She forces you to think through all your decisions, and she always knows best (but let’s be honest, you don’t always listen).

  1. The Listener

They know your motivation, your goals, and your life. Listeners are selfless, compassionate, and caring. They’re givers. You’ve won the friendship lotto if they’re married to one of the other friends (refer to my numbers people, either 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  1. The Inspirational one

The inspiration motivates you to be yourself, work hard, and be selfless. These are the friends who will do great things, they will speak up for themselves and make a difference in the world.

  1. The Adventurer

This is the one who travels the world, teaches you about new places, new cultures. Broadens your thinking. This can be a work friend, a colleague.

  1. Your Polar Opposite

Its great to have like-minded friends but every now and then you need one friend who has different beliefs, different values, well they’re completely opposite to you. They challenge you, positively.

Going into 2016, ditch these kinds of friends

  1. The friend who always brings all her problems to you always, the one you avoid when your phone rings
  2. The one who always wants to be better than you, with everything, in everything
  3. The friend who always lets you down

Parting note… Making friends, no matter what age, IS HARD!

Till Later or whenever

LT

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